Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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