An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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