he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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