dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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