She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
