He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
