Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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