can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
