Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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