Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
