i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
