I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
