his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
