Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
