thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
