Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
