There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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