if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
