She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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