Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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