Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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