I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
