I want to walk on stilts...naked
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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