There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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