one two three fourrrrnication!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
