he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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