Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
