Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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