This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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