And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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