Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
