I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
