I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
