Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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