Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
