Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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