My friends, they love my intelligence
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
