Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
