Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
