end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
