it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
