Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
