Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
what day is it and did you see me today?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
