You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she told me i tasted like america
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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