'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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