today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
