then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
