i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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