I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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