im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
