i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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