when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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