remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ugly people sure do ruin things
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
