her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
