i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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