I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
