My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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